When somebody tells you “I don’t care” or “I’m not interested”
Do you feel some of the following:
Rejected
Offended
Not seen or heard
Not worthy
Like you did said or did something wrong
When you say: “I don’t care” or “I’m not interested”
Are you trying to make the person go away?
Are you trying to communicate in a neutral way – This does not invoke any desire to spend more energy; I am not saying this is a good or bad thing, I am saying this is not for me.**
** I’ve asked this qustion to a number in my peer group, and most of the people respond that this is what they mean. Yet, when it is said to them, it often triggers an emotional reaction like that did a social mistep or similar.
1. This is the power of language
2. Clarity and intention make all the difference.
3. If you felt a “negative” reaction to somebody’s “neutral” (I don’t care) response – Are you taking something personally, when you yourself don’t mean it that way when you say it?
If #3 is something that you feel like applies; there’s space to grow and heal. Could be people pleasing tendencies. Could be trauma. Could be a lot of sources for sure.
First step is identification (Does this resonate with you).
Second step is digging deeper and discovering you and how this exactly applies to you.
Third step is growth and healing.
Reach out to me if you would like support walking this path and/or finding an appropriate resource!
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Of course, you can do the self inner work as you tackle this! My services are for when you want person to person support.
As mentioned, the second step is identification:
Where did you develop this response?
Under what situations does this response trigger?
That sets the baseline as to what situations apply and whom you’re goign to be mindful of; baby steps means its best to start off with those more understanding of your situation and growth journey, rather than complete strangers.
Next is to start showing yourself kindness. This is a hard path to walk for sure.
After that is to sort of “Get out of your head” for a second and think from the other’s person’s perspective. When you get stuck in your perspective; you magnify all your own emotional responses.
And then PRACTICE. Practice practice practice. This path involves reteaching you mind and body that the old response is going out the door, and you are replacing it with a new response. A metaphor would be like if you got barked at a dog while you were young, you might be afraid of dogs. If you can spend time with nice dogs, you can discern and realize that some are nice and you can enjoy time with them, and you can recognize not nice dogs, and let them be.