Not exclusively limited to Asians / Asian Americans, but there is definitely a strong theme of “Gotta be perfect”. Perfect grades, perfect jobs, perfect appearances, etc. Just MAYBE you can keep this up for moments, but the reality is that it can’t be kept up forever because it completely disregards:
You, and everybody else are imperfect people (And that’s human).
You, and everybody else will make a mistake and screw something up (That’s human too).
Think about the amount of thinking and overthinking that you, I and many people do in order to try to AVOID mistakes and missteps.
Plan and overplan and backup plans.
Put on the masks over our authentic selves. (Pretend to that everything is ok)
Blame game / it was out of our control.
Analysis paralysis! Can’t screw up if you don’t try!
However, the above does nothing for the longevity and health of a relationship. The relationship becomes a ticking time-bomb, when there is a screw up, there is a blows up. Especially when that new relationship energy wears off.
This is where repairing relationships, healing hurt, growth, and forgiveness shine, because not only does it help the longevity and health of the relationship, it enables partners to take RISKS, because you two acknowledge and accept that there will be mistakes along the way. Examples include:
Communication of struggles and vulnerability (Being authentic)
Expressing boundaries and pushing boundaries, in a healthy manner. (Growth)
Reduce fear and anxiety (Less dancing on eggshells)
+ A lot more
Now, being in a relationship that has strong repairing tools doesn’t mean its a blank check to hurt yourself, your partner or the relationship. That’s being flippant and malicious. It’s meant to create a space space, where each partner feels respected and appreciated for who they are. It’s meant to be a tool when it comes to tougher/anxious conversations like:
I’m burned out at work and unhappy, and want to talk about me quitting and taking a break.
I want to take a risk starting my own business, and I understand this will affect our financial stability.
Your parents are not being nice to be and I feel left hung to dry. Can we help me feel supported as we create our family?
I want to talk about getting married; not in a spur of the moment sort of thing, more of a I want us to be on the same page.
Our sex life has changed, and I’m not satisfied. How did we get here and what can we do to get us to a good place?
So how is everybody’s experience level and skill when it comes to repairing mistakes and screw ups? Patience when things go wrong? Forgiveness for your partner and yourself when there are mistakes?
It does not matter where you are right at this moment in your healing and growth! What matters is that you’re taking the small steps to grow; this growth serves you and your relationships!
As a part of re-iterating that this is a shared human experience, add a comment on:
If you overthink and it prevents you from taking action.
If you struggle with repairing mistakes and/or forgiveness for your partner or yourself (Or, if you’ve leveled up in these areas, share what worked for you!)
Examples of forgiveness, big or small 🙂