I’ve seen variations of this question posted so I decided to put out my take. Since this is a broad topic, and I only go at it at a broad level, please take it with a huge grain of salt.
- Should I work on my mental health before I enter the dating scene? Maybe. Probably. At most points in our lives, we are usually tackling SOME struggle. So it shouldn’t be a blanket YES or NO. Key points:
- Are you comfortable communicating what you’re going through, at some point in the relationship? (I’d estimate within 6 months)
- It isn’t nice to blindside your partner with a mask. Relationships are about trust and vulnerability.
- Giving yourself “I’ll do it later when I feel ready” is your prioritizing yourself and your feelings, over the relationship. Yes you should prioritize yourself, but not at the cost of keeping your partner in the dark.
- Are you somewhat comfortable communicating your needs? Or do you feel like “I’m a bother”
- Is your struggle tied to relationships itself?
- For example, if your struggle is love bombing or codependency, I’d recommend working on yourself first.
- Do you treat your partner as your therapist? Certainly you should feel comfortable sharing your feelings, but you also have to consider that most SO’s at best can listen, and aren’t educated on how to respond to mental health struggles.
- Do you fundamentally understand and acknowledge that above all, your struggles are your responsibility?
- Partner’s can be great support structures, but aren’t there to save you or fix you.
- Do you have a framework as to how you plan to tackle your struggles?
- Are you comfortable communicating what you’re going through, at some point in the relationship? (I’d estimate within 6 months)
- Rarely does mental health struggles just resolve magically. On top of that, relationships are work – draining even more energy.
There is absolutely no reason why you have to go through life and your struggles alone – I’m sure that there are people who did the absolutely opposite and still found successful relationships. The point of this post is to set yourself up for success. Self help resources, therapists, coaches like Thriving Turtle are here to support you!