Particularly in Asian cultures, there is a strong sense of desire for certainty and external validation. This is not said out loud, but there are many instances.
Getting good grades (Certain, and measurable)
Getting into good universities (Certain, and measurable)
Getting well paying jobs in good companies (Certain, and measurable)
Getting married and having kids (Certain, and measurable)
Those are the tropes and I can go on and on.
However.
Where it becomes ironic is through childhood and well into adulthood, there comes the realization that certainty seems never attainable, nor has peace and satisfaction is found. No, this isn’t a call to go discover Buddhism or something (although, there are some great principles there! What about these feelings and values that people crave?
Sense of security, peace and safety (Not certain, not measurable)
Sense of belonging (community) and being seen (Not certain, not measurable)
Feeling valued and loved (Not certain, not measurable)
Feeling satisfied and proud of efforts (Not certain, not measurable)
I certainly don’t wake up and say “Man, I feel 3 happy units today!” We try really hard to artificially create the above feelings though!
Amassing wealth
- When is enough wealth to feel secure?
Buying a house in a good neighborhood and putting up cameras
- Does that 100% prevent crime; is there still worry
- You may live near people with similar values, but are you connecting with them?
Getting married to somebody who is a “good match”
- Are you in a space where this relationship was built on being authentic and desired?
- Is this relationship another means to attain security?
When you get a high paying job in a stable field
- How is the stress and satisfaction for the paycheck? Does it feel worth it?
- Does the time feel like its flying by, yet you’re not doing the actions that you’d rather be doing?
What this is a call for is to create the space to discover and explore that maybe there is more to this life thing than what you already know. If you feel like parts of this resonate with you, let me know how I can help walk you through growing yourself into a thriving lifestyle.