In relationships of any culture and any context, it is entirely possible for somebody to 1. Hurt another person and at the same time 2. Not mean it/have no malicious intentions. It sucks for sure!
What I think is the more important focus is what happens afterwards!
In some of the closest relationships that people generally have (Parent/Child, Romantic Partners), this critical “What happens afterwards” step sets a tone for the relationship.
For example – With Parent/Child relationships. I think an acceptable generalization is that parents want the best for their kids. Want to prepare them for life. Want to set them up for a better future. Sometimes, how that is expressed may hurt the kid! Could be tiger parenting. Not acknowledging the kid’s emotional needs, and so on.
When the kid voices that they are hurt or needs not met, what can a parent think/do?
If a parent follows their own story narrative “Everything I do is for my kid’s benefit!”, then, they can’t actually comprehend they hurt their kid. The parent will blame and deflect and stonewall and such. For what? To protect themselves, their narrative, their FEELINGS.
Because admitting fault now would be admitting that there could have been fault in the past, and in the future. Because employing repair tools takes knowledge and effort they might not have. Because taking ownership and accountability can be a massive anxiety inducing thought. Because changing a narrative is a massive effort. When you have low EQ, keeping the status quo the same seems like the easier path, but it may not be the better path.
The above is not written to justify anything; it’s more to provide clarity. In an effort to break vicious cycles, the first step is to acknowledge what’s there right now. This absolutely passes between generations and “normalizes” what is ok and not ok in relationships of any kind.