This has been a question that’s been asked several times, and I’m not surprised; it ties in strongly with the blog I just wrote about being anxious. There’s the duality of people who want to be something they are not currently, as well as the people who just don’t want to be who they are right now (There is a difference!)
Anyways, back to the topic.
For 0.1% of people, which is a number I made up, they have the mental capability of putting themself “in the zone”. The manifestation of their thoughts literally changes their mood, feelings and physiological response. That’s impressive and a triumph. Those people are also not the people who would be reading this blog post.
For the other 99.9% of people, we try to use some cyclic thinking that gets us nowhere. We’re here to break this cycle.
Let’s say for example, you want to feel “confident”. The previous sentence is only a half sentence. You might say “I want to be a confident person”. I would reply, that’s a loaded sentence – let’s break it down. You want to be a person? Well, you exist and have thumbs and can read this post. So you’re already a person. How do you get one “confident” please?. My answer is, you don’t.
What you can take that adjective “confident”, and tack that right onto another noun that you want to be.
Let’s transform that to something new: “I want to be a confident cook.”
Step 1: Are you cooking? If yes, great! If no, that’s fine too. Time to start cooking! (Probably something simple).
Which usually brings up the first rebuttable “But I’m a bad cook/no experience!/no idea where to start”
To which I saw: “Cool, that is a statement of a fact. Try something. Anything. Because the first step towards being a confident cook, is by being a noob amateur cook that probably oversalts (Step 2)”
You don’t get your confidence by thinking and imagining. You get your confidence by acquiring experience points. TO BE CLEAR: I didn’t say successes. I said experience points. That comes from successes and failures (Step 3).
We all walk down this path. I know it because we all started off as helpless tiny babies who couldn’t speak, couldn’t use a spoon, or poop in a toilet. Each individual’s story is different for sure. Some start earlier, some start later. Some have more resources, some have less. Some get lucky, some hit a bad streak. What separates the success from not success is the continued framework of growing with each and every experience point. See, you don’t even have to get GOOD or EXPERT at whatever you’re trying to accomplish – all you have to do is grow a little more and like doing it (Step 4).
The more experience points and variety of points you have – THAT fuels you with each successive adventure. That’s part of what they mean by “Success begets success”
The BACKWARDS way to do it is try to feel confident first, and then perform the action. How the hell are you THAT confident about something you’ve never/barely practiced? That experience doesn’t even exist in the real world, yet!)
I promise you, I’m and everybody else are not confident about every thing at every time. I cook every day, which says nothing about my confidence about flying airplanes. Heck, even things that I’m supposedly “good” at, like cooking, I will have moments where I still don’t feel confident. Sometimes, I will flat out burn the dish and have to start again. What’s more important is to press on through those >feelings<, because at the end of the experience, I will have more and new experience points that reinforce my growth. Knowing what “not to do” and failure modes in itself is valuable experience. I indeed will be an even more confident cook the next time. For you the reader, on your journey to whatever you want to be, take that first step and suck. I know by the 10th step, you’ll be well on your way. When you’ve walked down several dozen paths and combine them all together, you’ll feel like a “confident person”.