Feeling like you are moving through life without purpose? Seeking that sense of what should I do next? Have you been doing the same routine because it is what you know and what you are comfortable with?
This is what I hope you get after reading this post: How to identify and incorporate choice and intention into your life so that you discover deep soul satisfaction with what you do (and, equally as important, choose to not do)!
Choice and intention are some of the most powerful tools in your arsenal, and, yet, they are some of the least cultivated in many cultures and practiced by individuals (particularly within the Asian/Western community). Think about it this way (and leave a comment if this is your story as well).
- You start off as a kid.
- You’re told to eat fruits and veggies!
- You need to study hard so that you can get good grades!
- You need to study an instrument so that you look good on university applications!
- You need to get into a good school!
- You need to choose a good major so that you can get a good job!
- You need to get a good job so that you can make good money!
- You need to get married and have a kid!
- You need to buy a house
- You need to take care of your parents when they get old!
On the other end, there is a whole lot of “Don’t”s
- Don’t get in a relationship! That is a waste of time and a distraction.
- Don’t have sex! You’re going to get (somebody) pregnant! It will ruin your life.
- Don’t spend time or money in “recreational” activities (especially anything creative)! It’s a waste when you could be studying to be a doctor instead.
- Don’t mix with the wrong crowd! However, it’s never clearly defined what constitutes a bad crowd; it just seems to include everybody who is following the “do’s” listed above.
Oftentimes, the “why” behind all this is “Because I said so!” and supporting evidence is shaky at best.
Other common reasons include:
- “This is for your future”
- “This will make you happy and successful”
- “We sacrificed so much for you”
- “We need to look good for the community”
- “You need to appreciate how easy you have it compared to when I was your age”
This was all super long and tiring to read, but there is intention behind it. Its to illustrate: - How many macro/micro choices we are told! (Lack of choice)
- How vicious the cycle is (Passed from generation to generation)
- Where was the part where your thoughts and feelings and desires were incorporated into the plan?
It’s no surprise that we end up confused and frustrated why we aren’t happy when we do all the things we’re supposed to do or why you are constantly at odds with what your parents want you to do. First off, if this is you, the first thing I want to say is: It’s not your fault!
I’ll repeat it again: It’s not your fault!
It’s so important to recognize because deep down we shoulder all these burdens that we’re “supposed to do,” and, yet, there’s never an encouragement to evaluate for yourself we truly want to do these things and if doing these things will lead to what we want.
I made it to my late 20s before I took the time to thoroughly examine all these “choices”. On paper, I followed the road map for success prescribed by Asian culture and my parents, and, yet here I was, still lacking satisfaction and happiness in my life, staring down the road of another 25+ years of working a career with dread, and wondering where the heck was I going. Did I go down the wrong path? Was it too late for me? Why wasn’t it working?
If this is your story, then I want to let you know that you’re not alone; me and many of my clients made it this far before really digging deep to understand how internal and external factors caused us to feel like we were stuck in a slump. It requires so much effort to reach a point in your life that you can feel unburdened by what you are “supposed to do” and you can start doing what you truly want to do, but I promise you it’ll be worth it.
“Could I have made the wrong choices?”
Yes, you could have, but a decision isn’t a condemnation for life. It sucks that you spent a lot of time, money and energy that put you in the wrong direction, but the time is now to correct your course and start marching down the right path and to the beat of your own drum.
“Won’t changing my choices disappoint people? Particularly my parents?”
Yes, probably. These people may be so used to you making decisions to please them that they will be surprised when you start making decisions on your own terms. However, there is a balance to be had; looking out for the needs of your community (including family), but also looking out for the needs of YOU!
Why is it so important to make decisions based on your needs?
This is your story! You are the main character, the hero, the protagonist. If you’re not the hero of your story, then who is?
What will owning your choices and intention get you:
Confidence –
you’ll be able to feel that you can take on anything and everything.
Your best authentic life – rather than living someone else’s life, you incorporate the elements of what you like, combined with your intention of what outcome you want, to create your unique life story by developing your own goals to lead to happiness).
Happiness and sense of accomplishment – the work you do is the work you choose to do. The dream you are building is yours, and not somebody else’s.
Freedom – you’re not defined by your accomplishments, you’re a freethinking human. When you feel strongly about doing something new, pivoting, or stopping, go for it!
Next post: How the heck do I start creating intention with my choices? (Chances are, you’re probably noob at it, and that’s ok. I’ll share how I was able to do this and give examples from other clients who were able to successfully do it as well)