Foreword: This piece isn’t meant to tell you what you are or aren’t. It’s a broad opinion generalization at best. This piece is meant to be a starting point for some food for thought.
For a thousand and one reasons, I’ve found more and more people describing themselves as extremely “introverted” and looking for guidance when it comes to navigating spaces such as relationships, professional lives, etc. Navigating this space is hugely important to me, because I’m quite strongly an introvert, and my partner is quite extroverted.
One thing I’ve noticed is that there seems to be a lot of mistyping of being an “introvert”. My opinion is that a more applicable term is “shy”. For sure you can introverted, or shy, or introverted and shy.
Why is it important to use the right language around these terms? I think it’s important because how I would support and treat an introvert and a shy person may have some overlap, but there are some critical differences as I’ll illustrate below.
Introvert: Somebody who’s energy levels is drained by social interaction. The longer they stay out and interact, the more tired they get, and at some point, gotta give them space to go and recharge. (In their own way, probably in their safe space away from people).
Some key points
- Introverts can be very sociable! They can like hanging out with people and going out to events. (The stickler being is often they are on a timer before they want to go home).
- The size of the crowd/event may or may not matter. Intimate occasions of a few friends, or, a large gala; it could be all the same to them (not a limiting factor).
- The depth of the relationship of the events, aka how well you know the people at the event may or may not be important. You can be introverted and love meeting new people.
- You can be introverted and present your authentic self; your authenticity isn’t tied to your energy levels.
Shy: Somebody who struggles being themselves in social interactions. Often, they will put on a publicly acceptable “mask” of themselves. The longer they stay out, the more tired they get (because they are trying to maintain that mask), and have a hard time presenting their authentic selves.
Some key points
- Shy people are… shy. Hence having a hard time hanging out with people and going to events.
- The size of the crowd often matters. Some shy people do worse in large crowds; they are over stimulated. Some shy people do worse in small crowds; too much attention on them/too much (self) pressure to participate. Some feel both.
- The depth of the relationships at the events often does matter. Shy people typically prefer occasions with people they are familiar with and know how to interact with.
- Regardless of energy levels, there is a struggle of presenting authentic self.
Notice: When an introvert or a shy person is “done” with an event or socializing, a viable solution for both is to simply give them space! This is often were the mixed use of definitions happen. Like I mentioned earlier in this piece, what’s important is how we treat and support each an introvert vs. shy person.
One of the biggest dividers of an introvert vs a shy person is their key struggle. Particularly here in USA, a prime introvert struggle is the expectation to go out and do activities, especially at work. Their battery is consistently drained, and do not have adequate time and space to recover. This does over lap with shy people for sure! However, shy people often express another key struggle which is “Loneliness” and a lack of quality relationships. It’s an innate human desire and need to have connection, and shy people struggle to build these. Shy people need this unique support much more than introverted people.
I hope this has been food for thought on your growing journey!